“‘A Seat at the Table’ Isn’t the Solution for Gender Equity” - a TED Talk by Lilly Singh

Lilly Singh, also known as “Superwoman,” has a successful youtube comedy channel that uses humor to talk about topics such as gender inequality/stereotypes, but also simple fun using her Indian heritage. In this TED talk, Singh begins with her story starting from the day she was born: the day was nothing but a disappointment to her parents when they found out she was a girl and not a boy. So, there was no celebration or calling home to deliver the good news, because it wasn’t good news. From the day she was born, she never felt good enough. This made it her life’s mission to try and be good enough. The truth is, this is the reality in many cultures. Therefore, Singh decided that she wanted to do something about it.

The channel began simply as a place for her to act out silly scenes and just have casual fun with it. Since there was no one else that looked like her and did what she did on her channel, she decided she would be the first to do what she does - comedy by an Indian woman. With this, she took the opportunity to “grab a seat at the table” because, after all, there really was no one like her. The phrase “having a seat on a table” is often synonymous with being successful. In fact, Singh says when her grandfather admitted he was wrong about her and that she made their family name proud, “[Singh] challenged [her] grandfather’s entrenched gender beliefs.” This made Singh believe that she finally earned a seat at the table.

People often think that once a seat at the table is taken, they can finally make their opinions and thoughts heard. However, the unfortunate reality is that, especially as a woman, having a seat at the table doesn’t always mean you can easily bring awareness to the issues of gender inequality. Often, it means sitting there to just look pretty. She brings up this really great point that “the strange thing about having a wobbly seat is that you spend so much time trying to keep it upright that you can never bring your full self to the table.” In other words, you are preoccupied making sure that you can keep this seat just to sit there so that you can’t simultaneously be a part of the conversation. The problem is that women have to try and keep up by fixing an already broken seat.

Singh realized the flaws of the seats themselves, the number of seats, and even the tables, so she came up with a solution: “build better tables.” Because women are led to believe getting a seat in the first place is the definition of success, Singh challenges this by saying that success is when we, women, become an integral part of the conversation and can potentially lead the table talk. With the solution of building better tables, Singh brings up a few points that can lead us to that ultimate goal: “don’t weaponize gratitude,” do not threaten her seat, and take a chance on women’s potential to be great. In other words, she explains that we should not take advantage of women’s kindness and willingness to do all the tasks necessary to truly earn and utilize the seat. Next, she says that we should not threaten to take away her seat at the table because women are fierce and will work hard to make sure the seat stays theirs. And lastly, we need to give women the opportunity to show their potential is investable before making assumptions based on false stereotypes.

While the table may be small and the seats wobbly, we need to make sure our new and improved table not only has enough seats, but that people are willing to make space for women. Additionally, we need to make sure that not only is there the space for the women, but that we don’t need to be worried about our chair falling apart and not being a part of the conversation. We need to not only fight for one spot, but “instead fight for multiple spots” for multiple women. As a society, we need to be willing to work hand in hand on solving these issues to ensure a tangible impact is being made.

So, while Lilly Singh might have felt like a disappointment from the moment she was born, she has made it her life’s mission to make sure everyone else’s existence is not only appreciated, but honored and respected. She is here to fight for our stories to be heard, a bigger table with more seats to be built, and a reality where women are celebrated to be the norm.

Written by Aayna Bhatheja